Miranda Galadriel Capra : Miranda's Muppet Fest : Veterinarian's Hospital

Veterinarian's Hospital - The Conductor

(Scene: it is the episode of The Mupper Show with Loretta Lynn; the theater is undergoing renovations, and so the show is being held in a train station; a man in a conductor's hat is on the operating table. This is the same episode in which The Rhyming Song appears.)

Arriving on Track 2, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

NURSE JANICE: Here's your next patient, Dr. Bob. He's a conductor!

DR. BOB: Well, he's not getting any symphony from me!

NURSE PIGGY: You mean sympathy!

DR. BOB: He's not getting any of that, either.

NURSE JANICE: Dr. Bob, he's a train conductor!

DR. BOB: Well, I will not operator on anyone who work for the railroad.

NURSE JANICE: Why not?

DR. BOB: I've got a very poor track record! Hey, what's the matter with him?

NURSE JANICE: I don't know! He keeps saying the same thing over and over.

CONDUCTOR: (yells) All aboard!

(Everyone jumps)

All: Aaaa!

NURSE JANICE: See what I mean? Dr. Bob, that's all he ever says!

DR. BOB: Well, he must have a one-track mind.

NURSE PIGGY: That's your second track joke, Dr. Bob.

DR. BOB: So what? Who keeps track?

NURSE PIGGY: That's three!

DR. BOB: Well, it's too late to change. You can't teach an old dog new track.

NURSE PIGGY: Well, three and a half.

DR. BOB: Oh.

CONDUCTOR: (yells) All aboard!

Everyone jumps again)

All: Aaaa!

NURSE JANICE: Dr. Bob, he's worked too long on the rail road. It's affected his mind!

DR. BOB: Yes, the strain on his brain stays mainly on the train.

NURSE PIGGY: Oh, Dr. Bob, I think you've got it!

CONDUCTOR: (yells) All aboard!

(Everyone jumps)

All: Oh!

So we come to the end of another Veterinarian's Hospital. Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob say:

DR. BOB: I think he's got rail road sneeze.

NURSE PIGGY: Rail road sneeze?

DR. BOB: Ah-choo-choo!

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